Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
