Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
