Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
