dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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