This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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