Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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