i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
