hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
