Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
