On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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