I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
