Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
