If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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