I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
