did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
