Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
this is an emotional support booty call
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
