forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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