it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
