No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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