I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
