Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
