guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
