I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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