My friends, they love my intelligence
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
