508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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