The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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