I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
