:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
