The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Blood and glitter go together right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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