Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
