You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
