I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize