I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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