I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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