and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
