You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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