when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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