You're my little dorito
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
