i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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