I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
3pm strippers are depressing
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
