the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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