At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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