ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
