Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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