Farmville is her only friend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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