Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
