so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
