FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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