The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
