i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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