oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
