Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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