woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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