I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize