That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
