so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
