I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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