Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
