1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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