I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
