So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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