nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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