escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
