Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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