Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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