The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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