My room smells like vodka and shame
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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