I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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