You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
