I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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