I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this just has baby written all over it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
